


Yeh, so fuck you I'm a wolf!

by CeCe



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Derek, Alpha Stiles, BAMF/Ninja!Stiles, Deliberate Badfic, Fluff and Crack, Funny, Kickass Action too not just fluff, M/M, Multi, Wolf!Derek, Wolf!Stiles, crazy shit, gay wolf sex, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-31
Updated: 2013-06-30
Packaged: 2017-12-13 12:42:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/824431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeCe/pseuds/CeCe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles and Derek meet and start a pack together... things happen. </p><p>Teen Wolf emphasis on Wolf.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hello? Hey!

**Author's Note:**

> This is a comedy. I am just writing how things come out in my head I am not writing for grammar and other things that show that I have a good education. It is funny and will probably be a very long multi chapter story. Enjoy! 
> 
> In this chapter they meet!

So, Derek is just walking around his territory enjoying a nice day when something jumps on his back. Derek being the badass he is flips it off and hold it down with his paw ready to rip its throat out. Too bad when he looks down he sees the most attractive wolf he has every seen looking at him grinning with it’s tongue lolling out of its mouth. This kind of shit would only happen to Derek lets be honest.

“Who are you? What do you want?” This whole time Derek is holding it down because of his trust issues and manpain.

“I’m Stiles!” Why the hell is he so excited to be held down by a wolf twice his size that could rip his throat out? The world may never know.

“Well Stiles... What do you want?”

“I’m all alone and you are all alone so I was thinking that we could have each other and not be alone anymore.” He has this huge smile on his face like he just cured cancer.

Derek takes his paw off of Stiles and he pops up looking up at Derek because Derek is a huge black wolf and Stiles is the most adorable brown wolf you have ever seen and doesn’t look like he eats grown men. “My name is Derek.” That is literally all he says before he is walking off back towards his den because today's walk is officially over. When they reach the den Stiles walks no excuse me he prances right past Derek because that is a thing that happens. When he makes it fully into the den he scents all of his stuff and then gets into Derek’s bed which is gigantic like absolutely huge so Stiles looks hysterical just rolling around the middle of it trying to mark his scent. The whole time Derek is staring not even knowing what to think.

“Why are you in my bed?”

“This is our den now and I am tired. Courting you with my super awesome ninja skills takes a lot of energy.”

“You jumping on my back was ‘courting me with your super awesome ninja skills’?”

“Damn right it was. So stop being a sourwolf and get in bed we have a big day ahead of us.”

Derek just walks over and wraps himself around Stiles because fuck you if you think Derek won’t get his sleep. Being a badass requires a full eight hours. Stiles licks Derek’s nose and nuzzles under his chin. Yeh so Stiles is a little happy that he is now den mates with a big hunk of wolf. Who cares? Let him be happy he deserves it. They drift off into the best sleep they have had since their families were killed and get ready for day two …... hunting.


	2. Have a bite..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They each go hunting for two different things for two very different reasons.

Derek feels something on his nose. It feels kind of good almost like kisses. Her purrs a little bit.. well in a manly I’m a wolf that can eat you type of way. He opens one eye to see Stiles looking at him. Nope staring at him. He closes his eye thinking maybe the problem will go away but nope he is no that lucky. Instead he get his ear nipped at by a certtain small brown wolf. How did it go from kisses to abuse?

“Stiles?” He says opening both eyes slowly. “What the fuck do you want?”

“Today we are going hunting remember?” And wow Stiles definitely just said that like he thinks Derek is slow.

“It is like ass o’clock in the morning. I don’t even think they little woodland creatures are up yet.”

“You are so dramatic. It is the perfect time for us to go hunting together. Come on I will catch it.” Stiles gives him these puppy eyes that say ‘If you say no you will be sorry.’

Derek mumbles something about cannibalism and walks out of the den to stretch. Stiles prances past him and then breaks out into a run. Derek catches up and stays a little behind because Stiles said he was going to catch it so he can lead the way an its too early for this shit. Stiles legit stops mid run and his ear go up it the most adorable way.

“Stay here.” He says before disappearing. At first Derek is like I’m not going to get any food for a while am I but then he sees the big ass deer doing deer shit. The is ruffling from a bush and he and the deer turn their heads at the same time. The deer starts backing away from it ready to run as needed and the ruffling in the bush starts getting louder and louder. At this point Derek is readying himself for a chase because if Stiles doesn’t get the deer he will. The deer turns to run and he is about to pounce until Stiles comes up from the depths of hell or some shit and just grabs onto the deer’s neck and rips it out. The deer falls to the ground along with Derek’s jaw. Stiles just prances over with his head up and deer in his mouth as if he just picked flowers not just killed an animal much larger than himself. He places the neck at Derek’s paws and comes up giving him a face splitting grin.

“I know I killed it for you but that thing is big as fuck sodrag it home, k?”

“How the hell did you get from behind the bush to in front of the deer?”

“Ninja.” He says coyly before turning around and rubbing his tail on Derek’s face.

Derek finally drags the bigass deer back to the den and they dig in. Stiles takes the part of the deer that they didn’t eat and drags it away back into the woods because it is a whole lot lighter. Stiles positions the half eaten body under a tree because he is a hippie and respects life or something like that.

“Derek play with me.”

“No.”

“Come on I know you want to.” He says showing himself off in a teasing way.

“Nope.” Because Derek doesn’t chase things that he isn’t going to sink his teeth into.

“Come on. I will even let you bite me if you’re good.” And with that Derek is chasing Stiles through the woods.

 


	3. Hump

So you know how Stiles teased Derek and got him to chase him? Stiles is a little worried about that because when he looked back Derek’s face said hungry. Stiles can only hope he is hungry for some Stiles loving and not Stiles as in his body because he is 1000% sure he wouldn’t taste that good. All of his sarcasm would make him taste a little sour or at least he stands strongly by that theory. So he decides to go all ninja and now he has Derek ‘pinned down’ yeah it needed the ‘ quotes because Derek could honestly get up if he wanted to and Stiles would go flying. Also how Stiles even got to that position is a mystery but lets not question it. Stiles hops off of him and rubs his body along the side of Derek’s very fluffy and muscled body. Derek lets out noises of pleasure before pinning Stiles down (no quotes) and begins to lick Stiles all over. Stiles is letting out loud obnoxious wolfy purring noises and he can do whatever he wants because he is getting frisky with a super hot wolf and the clearing they are in is right by the water and it is really nice. Romance is manly so shut up.

 

“Mmmm D’rk.”

“Yeh me too.” He says that right before he nudges Stiles so that he is standing.

"Dude just put your dick in my butt."

“Have you-”

“Nope.”

“Are you su-”

“Dammit Derek your martyr syndrome is messing with my boner.”

Does Derek stick his penis is Stiles’ butt? No. Instead he decides that rimming him would be better because wolves perform oral sex. Its true because the internet told me so.

“dygvhjbnjnmjnh” says Stiles.

Derek would say something but his mouth is a little preoccupied at the moment.

“Derek I am going to jizz everywhere just hump me. Pleaaaaaase!”

Derek feels bad for his mate so he sets himself up above Stiles and pushes the tree trunk he calls his penis into Stiles little virgin ass. Mmmm imagery.

“DEREK HOLY FUCK!”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“You can stop if you like the idea of me ripping your intestines out your ass and force feeding them to you.”

Wow Stiles what the actual fuck? Derek just ignores that the wolf he currently has his dick in is a psychopath and starts humping and he likes it so he starts to do it a little faster. Before long his knot comes and yeh he is stuck in Stiles for about ten minutes but its cool. The weather is nice he hasn’t been on this part of his property for a while so he thinks about how he used to come here with his family. Thinking about your family at a moment like this could be considered weird but yeah no Derek that is weird as fuck stop it. After a very weird and uncomfortable wait Derek’s knot goes down and he pulls it out. Stiles falls right over and lays on his side panting. Derek licks his ass again because he has a fetish just kidding its because he wants to make sure it is okay.

“Derek I’m fine really.”

“Did you enjoy it?”

“So much that after I take a nap we are going to do it again.”

Derek just lays down with Stiles and accepts this life.

 


	4. Lets Go Swimming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles and Derek go swimming. Things get deep. HAHAHA PUN cuz its not .. just .... the water...*cough* anyway... come on man pain.

“OMERGERD! DER’K!” If Stiles got any closer to Derek’s face he would be inside of him.

“Wh-” Forget cleaning your paws from todays hunt.

“DEREK LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!” Now Stiles is actually on Derek’s head. On. It.

“Sti-” Because this is ridiculous.

“LET’S GO CHECK IT OUT!” And there he goes.

“Stiles. It’s just a lake.”

“I know but I haven’t been swimming in forever.”

Stiles rushes down to the lake hopping along  the edge. Derek walks right past him into the water.

“Derek, Where are you going?”

“You are the one who wanted to go swimming so lets go.” Derek is confused right now because Stiles looks so disgruntled.

“I can’t swim in that water it is too deep.” And aw now he is pouting.

Derek swims back to the short and lays down so that he is low enough for Stiles to get on his back. Stiles is so small that he is laying on Derek’s back. Derek goes into the water deep enough that only his head is above water and most of Stiles is underwater.

“Derek this is awesome. I used to love coming to the water with my mom, dad, and scott. They used to make fun of me for not being able to swim but they would always stay by the shallow area with me.” Derek can hear the sadness in Stiles voice. He wants to ask what happened to them but he doesn’t want to make Stiles even sadder.

“My mom died when I was just a pup. She got sick but before she died she taught me a lot. My dad was the alpha of our pack and was never the same after my mother died. Scott was my best friend but he was more like my brother. I got seperated from my pack one day and I was all alone for a long time before I saw you. I first saw you when you were sleeping you looked so peaceful. I followed you for a long time and I noticed that you didn’t have any pack. A while later I got the courage to court you and here we are now.” Stiles tried to laugh at the end but you could tell that bringing up his past made him a little emotional so Derek swam back to water and let Stiles down. They both dried off and started making their way back to the den. Derek wanted to tell Stiles about his family and how they died but he couldn’t let his new mate know that he is the reason that his whole family is dead. 


	5. Bitch, don't touch my man.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit is getting started ...

“Stiles there is someone in the territory stay here while I go check it out.”

“Derek, I am not just going to let you go out there all by yourself. What if something happens to you?” Stiles whined because he just got Derek and didn’t want to lose him.  

“Stiles. Please. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Whatever.” Derek wasn’t the boss of him even if he was a natural alpha.

Derek takes that and makes his way out of their den to see what had the nerve to step onto the legendary Hale property. He was just going out this morning to bring Stiles some flowers because Stiles likes them even if the smell harasses Derek’s nose. But on his way to the valley he smelled wolves. Two of them. They weren’t alphas more like two omegas that decided to stick together. He was going to go track them down then he thought ‘Dammit I have a Stiles.’ and when you have a Stiles you have to let it know where you are going or it will go exploring and get itself into trouble. Now he just had to go track the wolves down and see what the deal was before Stiles decided to do something stupid like ….. follow him. He sees a small den that is nothing compared to his luxurious (by wolf standard) and massive den that has been taken over by Stiles.

“You are on private property.” He says sternly because fuck if this is what he wants to do on a Sunday afternoon. A blondish colored wolf and a light brown wolf coming walking out of the den. The girl wolf walks like she is the shit but the light brown one walks out like it is shy and timid.

“Wow. Well if I had to intrude on someone’s property I’m glad that it’s your because you are damn fine.” She keeps getting closer with a hungry look in her eye like she might actually just want to eat him. Derek isn’t scared of course because he is a badass alpha but she is making him feel very uncomfortable.

“What do you want?” Derek wants them to say ‘Omg. I am so sorry I will leave and never come back you can go get flowers for your mate and then have some nice sex.’ but Derek wouldn’t put money on that.

“Well we heard what happened to your pack and I was coming to be your mate and Isaac was coming too because we are going to start a pack. I was going to come find you tomorrow but I didn’t realise how much land you have. I’m Erica by the way.” This shit is ridiculous because she is literally in walking around Derek getting close enough to start to scent him. Of course she can’t smell Stiles because of all of those fuckign flowers in AND around the den. When Erica starts rubbing her tail on Derek’s face basically presenting himself he growls and pins her down. Isaac rams into his side and Erica runs off into the bushes. He gets up and starts circling Isaac only to have Erica and Stiles roll into the clearing clearly fighting. Derek lets out a roar the has Erica and Isaac backing up and Stiles about to pounce but Derek puts his paw on his tail.

“Derek get off of me so that I can kill her.” Stiles wants to rip the tail that he saw rubbing all over his man off and strangle her with it. He waited but Derek was taking a long time and he didn’t hear anything bad so he went to find him only to walk in on the whore presenting herself.

“Stiles, I need you to calm down.”

“Who the fuck is that? A pathetic beta with a man crush?” She just almost got her ass kicked and she is still acting like a cocky bitch. Go figure.

“Pathetic beta? HA! No bitch I’m Derek’s mate. Yeah thats right you can stop being a whore because he doesn’t need you he has me and we are in looooooove.” Stiles is really enjoying rubbing this shit into her face.

“Ha! You his mate? You are so small you are just another warm hole. What he needs is a strong wolf tohave his pups.” Oh she did NOT just go there. Stiles lunges and the force thankfully brings his tail with him. He knocks her down and before Isaac can jump in Derek has him pinned down and it only takes a flash of his red eyes to have him baring his neck submitting to him. He bites his neck showing that he accepts him as a beta but Erica and Stiles are really going at it. Erica is bigger than Stiles and a little faster but that doesn’t matter because Stiles is a ninja and does some shit that ends with her face in the ground and his teeth in her neck biting down until she whines showing that she gives up.

“Listen here bitch nobody disrespects me. You will keep your nasty ass paws off of Derek and you will respect me as your alpha.”

“Yes alpha.”

“Good now bare your neck like the bitch that you are.” She bares her neck and Stiles bites a little harder than necessary. Derek gets off of Isaac and walks over to his mate to comfort him.

“Meet me by the lake tomorrow evening.” Derek is going to need to think and talk about what he is going to do since apparently he now has a small pack. He doesn’t wait for answer him and Stiles just head back and when they are walking by Erica and Isaac’s den Stiles pees on it.


	6. Filled by Derek's dick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuck this alpha shit .....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short little chapter showing how the little pack is getting along ....

“D’r’k!” Thats all of Derek’s name Stiles could get out from where Stiles’ tiny body was smushed under Derek’s massive head.   
“Grermphhh.” Wow today Derek was being extra eloquent. Stiles took it upon himself to sink his small but very sharp teeth into Derek’s jaw. “Stiles.” Deep breathes because sometimes it takes Derek a while to remember why he didn’t rip his throat out with his teeth when he landed on his back. “What are you doing?”  
“Mmmphhh” Deep breathes Derek.  
“It would probably be easier to talk if you would get your teeth out of me.   
“It would probably be easier to talk if you got the fuck off of me.”   
“No, I’m comfortable.” Derek moves so that his paw is now on top of Stiles and they are nose to nose.   
“Derek, I don’t care how cute you are. If you don’t get off of me I am going to have a problem.” *Enter death glare here*  
“What are you going to do about it?” Derek nuzzles Stiles nose and Stiles decides to pull out the big guns.   
“Dereeeeek please it hurts. Pleeeeease let me up.” Complete with puppy eyes Stiles knew Derek couldn’t resist. Derek gets off of Stiles and starts rubbing his nose into the smaller wolf’s side. “Kidding sucker!” While Derek is confused about what just happened Stiles runs out of the den and into the woods.  
He can hear Derek rapidly catching up to him. “Stiles!” comes out in a low growl. When Stiles tries to leap over a fallen tree he gets tackled mid air by some huge black wolf that thinks that it’s mate is an asshole. When the stop rolling around on the floor Derek settles above Stiles caging him in with his legs. “Not so clever now are you?” Stiles would be worried but Derek looks so hot right now that all Stiles can think about it how to get fucked in the next 10 seconds. Derek must know what he is thinking because he starts licking down Stile’s body and getting closer to his.....  
“OH MY GOSH!” Of fucking course they can’t have random hot sex in the woods anymore because they have two betas..... fuck this alpha shit. Stiles hasn’t had random woods sex in two months because of them. “Isaac mom and dad are having sex in the woods.” Erica has taken to calling them mom and dad because she is nothing if not funny.   
Groaning Stiles and Derek separate themselves looking at both of the betas. “Correct. Were about to have sex. Not anymore thanks to our favorite pain in the ass Erica.” While they are way past the whole Derek is mine thing Erica continues to be a pain in Stiles ass.  
“See this Isaac we can’t even take an innocent stroll through the woods without running into such obscene behavior. It’s really terrible how this world is changing.”  
“Erica.”  
“I mean I was just going to pick some flowers for our favorite alphas when I catch ma and pa getting busy.. and in public. You would think they would have the decency to do it in their den. It really saddens me to see this is in wolves I have grown to be so fond of.   
“Erica!”  
“I feel like my innocence has been ripped out of me and with that I now have a gaping hole that can only be filled by Derek’s dick.”  
With that Stiles is chasing Erica through the woods and this time he is really going to kick her ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter should be up soon but no new characters will be coming in for like ... two chapters.....

**Author's Note:**

> Comment! I love being interactive with my readers!  
> Leave Kudos!  
> Follow me on Tumblr: cexilicous.tumblr.com  
> Email me: cefizzy@gmail.com
> 
> I will be updating this often. It is so much fun to write.


End file.
